remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
