I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
