one might say we're banned from that church
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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