My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Green mimosas i think yes
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
