My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize