if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
