So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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