In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
