So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
