So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
