The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
