I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
