im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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