I wish I could punch you in the face.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
