as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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