wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
