guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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