i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
