you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
