he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The Olympian is in my bed
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
