she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
