i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
