he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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