Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
