Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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