Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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