The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
