So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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