I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The power of my boobs compel you
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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