My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
