Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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