im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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