I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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