I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
