mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize