I wanna bring you to show and tell
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
