That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
