Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
