he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
