don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
