I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
