i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
