Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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