i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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