Swine flu is the new snow day.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
