There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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