oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize