Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize