Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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