and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
