Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
