I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
