You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Bring me that man meat
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
