he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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