I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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