i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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