she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
