I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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