It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Your penis caused this!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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