He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
