People with herpes should wear stickers.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
