I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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