just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
