You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
