did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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