Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
