I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize